Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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