either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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