Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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