this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
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He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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