Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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