Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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