I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
