your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
