You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize