Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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