before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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