I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
