Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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