i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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