Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
