I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
