Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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