puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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