Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
