Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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