That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
