My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize