God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
