i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
