is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
