Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
