Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
