He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
