Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
