i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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