Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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