someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
