Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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