carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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