I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
