i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
