Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
