new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
