win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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