New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
