I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
