And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
