People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
