you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
