so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize