I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
