I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
