You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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