anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just forgot I was standing up.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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