the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
