my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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