I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
