How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
