Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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