I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
